What My Daddy Issues Taught Me

We’ve all heard of the term “daddy issues” that’s used to describe women who have unresolved emotional trauma from their father with varying negative effects.

I have daddy issues, but I’ve chosen to understand them and use that insight to grow. Half the battle is having self-awareness and putting in effort to work through the damage without losing your self in the process. It’s having tough love for yourself because no one can pull you out of negative patterns of behaviors except you. No one asks for daddy issues, but it’s more common than we admit. If you can relate, I hope what I’ve learned offers something useful.

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Perception is Everything

It wasn’t my dad’s intention to bring me into this world to hurt me. The way he was raised was all he knew and that eventually got passed down to me. I can’t change how he was raised or how he raised me, but I can change how I perceive my experience.

I could view myself as a victim of my daddy issues or I could view myself as a woman worthy of respect and genuine love. When I viewed myself as a victim, I found myself in the same type of relationship over and over again no matter how much it hurt me. I learned that a victim mentality attracts people and relationships that reinforce it. I now see myself as a woman deserving of respect and genuine love, and my marriage reflects that.

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The Blame Game Holds You Back

I coped with my daddy issues by shutting my dad out. I chose silence and distance to express the blame and resentment I held toward him. It’s human to feel these emotions, but allowing them to linger in my body is like asking it to accept sickness because my ego needs to be fed. 

Grudges kill well-being, so I stopped blaming. I got honest with what I really wanted and needed from love, so that I could build that version from scratch. Releasing blame isn’t about excusing his wrongdoing, it’s about taking back the power it held over me that frees me to build something better for myself. 

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Acceptance is Healing

I don’t expect to have a deep connection with my dad, but I’ve accepted him for who he is and who he’ll never be. What my dad couldn’t give me, I learned to give myself—respect, love, trust, wisdom, and a strong sense of values that I’ll one day pass down to my children. Accepting my daddy issues means allowing the wound to heal and giving my children a dad that I’ve always wanted and more.

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