Beautiful Lessons from My First Year of Marriage
After one year of marriage, I can genuinely say I can do this forever. It took lots of harsh lessons from previous relationships and even harsher lessons from generational trauma to know what healthy, mature love feels like and allow space for it to grow. I’m not a marriage guru after one year, but here are the valuable lessons I learned that give me the confidence to know that I’m doing marriage properly so far.
The Honeymoon Phase is a Myth
The “honeymoon phase” is the intense feelings of happiness, excitement, and romance felt at the beginning of marriage. I think this term is a myth because it doesn’t have to be just a phase, unless you treat it as such. I’m not saying our marriage will only be sunshine and butterflies (that would be boring and stagnant). I expect there to be challenges down the road, but it’s that “honeymoon” energy that will make the challenges manageable. It doesn’t make sense to me to treat happiness, excitement, and romance in marriage as if they have an expiration date.
Communication is Key, but Comprehension is Crucial
Communicating with my husband comes naturally, but sometimes we interpret things so differently that misunderstandings quickly arise. I tend to react emotionally in those moments, while my husband’s logical approach helps clear things up fast. What could easily escalate into a heated argument over a lack of comprehension turns into a productive conversation that offers new perspectives. If something is not understood, it’s important to pause, reiterate what’s being said, and ask questions!
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Patience and Honesty Goes a Long Way
During life’s transitions (finding new jobs, moving to a bigger place, and eventually starting a family), patience helps us avoid unnecessary anxiety and prevents us from rushing into decisions without careful thought. I’ve learned that patience allows for self-control when external situations can’t be controlled. All we can do as we wait for the next level of our lives to come to fruition is enjoy the things we currently have that we once wished for a few years ago.
Being honest, whether it’s about our finances or other aspects of our marriage that need attention (like needing physical, mental, emotional, or creative support), helps set clear expectations of what each of us can realistically contribute. Being honest feels comforting because it allows us to freely express ourselves openly, without the fear of judgment or reprimand.
Photo by Marcel Ardivan on Unsplash
Affection and Laughter Make Up Daily Romance
Kisses, hugs, cuddling, flirting, and all the other bids of affection help keep the “honeymoon” energy alive and actually support well-being. It’s not about constant physical touch that’s sexually suggestive (although that’s great at times). It’s about romance in the small, everyday moments of playful connection. For instance, laughing at inside jokes with my husband is the most romantic thing of all. Anyone can buy you a candlelit dinner and some roses, but making you laugh until you cry because their weirdness and humor matches yours is top tier love.
Photo by Niranjan _ Photographs on Unsplash
