I’m in that seriously-discussing-it-but-not-quite-ready-to-take-the-leap stage of parenthood, paired with reflections on the kind of parent I hope to become. I’m grateful that my awareness of generational trauma helped me realize that the patterns of parenting passed down from my parents, their parents, and generations before them don’t have to continue with me. While I didn’t choose to be born into this world, I do have the power to choose the values, mindset, and behaviors I pass down and contribute to it.

The parenting wisdom I’ve collected through my own experiences with my parents, watching my sister raise a teenager and a toddler, and learning from co-workers who’ve been parents for decades, provides me with a solid guide for parenthood that I’m excited about. There’s much more wisdom I’ve collected (and continue to collect), but these are the top ten that resonate with me the most so far.

1) Lead by Example

As a child, I followed my parents’ actions more than their words. This is why leading by example matters: children just absorb and emulate what they see. The values and habits I practice become the lessons my children carry into their own lives. When I model the mentality and behaviors I hope to see in them, I create a living guide for how they navigate the world.

2) Critical Thinking

After 13 years of higher education, I appreciate the value of critical thinking that goes beyond the classroom. Teaching my kids how to think, rather than what to think, is especially crucial in today’s age of social media. It starts with having meaningful conversations about the media they consume.

I remember not being able to watch certain things with my parents because I was told they were “bad” or shamed for watching them, with no explanation. Whether it’s films, TV shows, books, or other types of media, I would want to create a safe space for my children where they can talk and think about it openly with me.

3) Core Values

Learning, optimism, and beauty are among the core values that guide the way I live. Core values may evolve over time, but what matters most is having them. My children don’t have to share my exact values, but by living and sharing mine, I can help them discover their own.

4) Finances + Responsibility

Financial literacy and responsibility should be introduced as early as possible. Growing up, finances were only discussed among adults and tend to have negative emotions attached to it. To move away from this, my children will learn simple lessons on earning and saving that will go a long way toward building a healthy relationship with money.

For example, earning money through household chores and managing a personal bank account will teach both agency and responsibility in a way that feels empowering rather than anxiety-inducing as they grow older. And learning about how credit works and the consequences of debt would add greater value to their sense of financial responsibility.

5) Patience

Patience hasn’t always been my strongest trait. It’s likely a trauma response from feeling the need to get things done immediately for fear of being reprimanded. Thankfully, my husband is the most patient person I know, and being around him has helped me grow more patient myself. Patience is essential with children, of course, since they’re learning what it means to be human. But it will be just as important with myself, since I’ll be new to being a parent too.

6) Stay Curious

My sister says, “When you think you know your child, you don’t!” In other words, children are constantly evolving, much quicker than expected. Staying curious about them encourages them to be curious about themselves. By letting them explore their interests, like with food, activities, fashion, etc., they learn to trust their own choices and be confident as they grow.

7) Set Boundaries

Children are human beings who deserve respect. I grew up being taught to always respect my elders, even when they crossed my personal boundaries. This kind of mentality carried into adulthood, making it easier to accept when others did the same. Respecting my children doesn’t mean letting them push my limits, but understanding what makes them uncomfortable and honoring those boundaries. This could mean not forcing them to hug a distant relative (or any adult) they don’t know well, or allowing them space to process something new without demanding a response.

8) Prioritize Marriage

If I don’t invest time, energy, and intentions into my marriage, everything else will fall a part. My children need to see a healthy relationship between me and my husband so they can model it in their own lives. That means balancing time as both a wife and a mother, planning dates and vacations as a couple, and also making memories together as a family.

9) Learn About Parenthood

Since learning is one of my core values, learning about parenthood is interesting and exciting. I love following parenting pages on social media that give me hacks on how to properly swaddle a newborn and reading online articles about how to teach your child to be media literate. I’ve even taken a child psychology course back in college where I learned the different kinds of parenting styles. I’ll eventually get books on parenting that I’m excited to delve in, too!

I know learning about parenthood won’t automatically make it easier. I expect it to be the hardest things I’ll ever have to do, but at least I’m putting in the effort to know what I’m getting myself into. At least I know that I have resources at my finger tips, so I don’t feel clueless when things get tough.

10) Healthy Habits

Growing up, healthy habits were often talked about but not properly enforced. I remember playfully exercising with my mom when I was five, but as a teen I was accustomed to eating microwavable dinners often. Because healthy habits weren’t normalized at home, it was hard to discipline myself later on.

As a parent, I want my children to have more home-cooked meals than not and enjoy physical activities like snowboarding and golf (two sports I’ve grown to love as an adult). Sharing these habits with them won’t just create core memories, but also support our health and longevity.

Prepping for Parenthood: My Top 10 Parenting Wisdom I’ve Collected